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London (Dec 29) – The end of any year, or decade for that matter is always marked with a flurry of yearly round-ups revisiting old news stories, big moments in both the real world, and the world that those annoying celebrities inhabit.
Being a twisted kind of person, I thought I would forego all that nostalgic nonsense. I am very, very against nostalgia. I do, however, remember fondly the days I was into nostalgia ah, those were the days. Instead, I thought I would look forward to 2011. Hang the hindsight.
Look forward is probably not the right choice of words. Look to with dread would probably be more apt. Because much like getting into any relationship, the excitement that comes for a short time as with the very beginning of the year is soon replaced by the realization that you are just living through all the same nonsense again.
This is a prediction piece, but the predictions are not all outlandish guesses like, for example, in 2011 Sarah Palin will pose nude in Playboy, which coincidentally I would love. I am ardently against her politics, but would love to see her naked. Most of my predictions are based in fact, and are just logical steps. To begin with, I suppose, we might as well talk about the Great War of Korea 2011.
South Korea will push their luck too far at the beginning of the New Year, forcing their volatile neighbors to the North to launch a Nuke, but taking into account how their tests have gone, the Nuke drops short – right into the busiest part of North Korea. Kim Jong Il toys with the idea of a Mutant Army, before forcing every man woman and child who didn’t get nuked, but who are still unfortunate enough to live in that country, to invade the South, thus beginning a war that will last longer than Americas indefinite occupation of the Middle East.
Speaking of which, The USA will eventually be the only country left trying to spread peace in the Middle East. Like the last drunk at the party, a can of cheap beer in one hand, his trousers in the other. In 2011, with any hope, the mainstream media will finally break the news to the public that the USA bombed Yemen in 2009, and hid behind the Yemeni President, who assured General Petraeus that Yemen would continue to take the blame for the bombings. In this regard, 2011 could be a record year for war. The USA could find them fighting in Afghanistan, Iraq, Korea, and Yemen. We will maybe hold on Iran until 2012.
The Pope and his organization could not possibly get into any more situations, could they? What could they possibly do to top the amazingly terrible year they had this year? As Benedict managed to convince his followers that his involvement in covering up the raping of children was no big deal, while at the same time condemning millions of people in Africa to death from HIV/AIDS because of his uneducated and utterly despicable stance on condoms. It is hard to imagine where they could go from there. I hope that Benedict can find the courage and strength to finally come out in 2011. He has paved the way in his book by making sure everyone knows that it is ok to use condoms when having sex with “male prostitutes,” no one else, not female prostitutes, just male prostitutes. You may think I am being out of line here, but I assure you. When he comes out it will be like George Michaels, as soon as he admits it, you will kick yourself for not noticing.